Rediscovery.....

As promised, here comes the second episode of re-discovering myself. I’m a gal who dreams a lot, who think a lot but put no effort and take no action. Everything I have right now, from what’s inside my head, to the clothes I in, I’ve done practically nothing, I feel. Its all the gift from God and my dearest parents. Yes, I study, but not hard enough I feel. See, now I’m in midst of my lower limb anatomy, and I’m blogging at the same time *wink wink* SHAMEFUL? Yes, I am. But, what can I do about it?

*Try change yourself for once, u blady fool!* word of wisdom from James Lai on Jan 1, 2006 nite.
Notice: He wasn’t that harsh, but my interpretation sounded that way.

Yea, let me repeat again, I tried, but I couldn’t. My effortless effort brought me nowhere. Medical school? Yea, so what if I’m in it? No one can guarantee that I can graduate. That feeling of doubts weather is this really the line of profession I wanted so badly kicks into my head every then and now.

I’m an antisocial freak. I do not initiate talk with people I don’t know. But once I know them, obviously the bubbly me can’t stop talking. Once in a while, I’ll start to think that I’m irritating those people around me, den the inferior side of Zhen took control and I turn into my silent mode again. So, again, why am I an antisocial freak? My upbringing? No my parents have been the most perfect parents! I think, once again, this is due to my instable-inferior mental condition. I have phobia of starting a conversation. What if they treat me like I’m a substandard me? They are gonna isolate me forever and ever. I’ll be cultured inside a Petri disc for the rest of my life, losing contact with the outer world. I can never accept my self in that situation. Kill me for goodness sake, rather than torturing me through that inhuman lifestyle.

Another chapter of Ms Zhen’s no-so-fairytale story;

I came into UNIMAS with bright light radiating from my eyes. I see my future so shinning so bright! When I step look outside the airplane, I got the shock of myself! I could actually see the tasik ladam from the view of my window. But enchanting Faculty of Med turned back the shock! I step into my room with the hope of an exciting new tomorrow. But, another weird event stunned me alive! My roommate is a fifth year, a studious freak, who don’t talk much! That very night I cried, fearing I’ll turn into her in another 4 years. Btw, since we don’t communicate much, I thought her name was Voon Ling (previous tenant before me) instead of Pei Ling, and I address her wrongly for the following 5 weeks I think (variance: plus minus 2 weeks). See, lesson of the day, even if I do initiate talk, when ppl don’t talk to me back, I’ll avoid talking to them for the rest of my life and I might even mix-up their name as well. Yea, here I am multitasking, ie chatting, blogging and reading my anatomy, while she pay her fullest attention to her books on her table at the other end of our small small room!

Back to the main topic, how insanely effortless I am. Very well written from my action now, BLOGGING instead of delving into Netter’s anatomy. So much bullshit for today, will continue over the weekend. My crazy jam-packed timetable squashed my life into a sandwich, only tiny pore from the bread allow me to breath! HELP ME!

“If you put more effort, u need no help” not-so-wise word of wisdom from Zhen

Talk about giving advice to myself, don't even let me start.......